# Headstones and grave memorials: a practical guide

> Most families wait for the ground to settle before putting up a headstone, often six to twelve months after the burial. You need permission from the cemetery or churchyard, usually through a memorial mason who applies for a permit. The grave owner normally chooses the memorial and is responsible for keeping it in good repair.

Source: https://funeralfinder.org/uk/guides/headstones-and-memorials/ — updated 2026-09-26 — FuneralFinder

A headstone gives a grave a name and gives the family a place to return to. It's also one of the last big decisions after a funeral, and there's no rush. This guide explains when a memorial can go up, the permission you'll need, how to choose one and how to look after it.

## Key points

- **Wait for the ground to settle.** Families often wait **six to twelve months** after a burial.
- **You need permission.** Every cemetery and churchyard has rules on size, materials and wording.
- **The grave owner decides.** In council cemeteries, that's usually the holder of the exclusive right of burial.
- **Use a reputable memorial mason.** Many cemeteries only allow registered or accredited masons.
- **The family owns the memorial** and is usually responsible for its upkeep.

## When can a headstone go up?

After a burial, the soil in the grave sinks as it settles. A heavy stone put up too soon can tilt or crack, so cemeteries set a minimum wait. Families often wait **six to twelve months**. Church of England guidance says it's **normal practice for six months** to pass between burial and the memorial being put up. Some burial grounds ask for longer, because settling depends on the soil.

In the meantime, the funeral director usually places a simple **temporary marker**, such as a wooden cross or plaque. Many families find the waiting time helpful: it gives space to choose the design and wording together.

If ashes are being buried in an existing grave or a cremation plot, the wait may be shorter. Ask the cemetery office.

## Permission and memorial permits

You can't simply put up any stone. The rules depend on the type of burial ground.

| Where the grave is | Who gives permission | What to expect |
|---|---|---|
| **Council cemetery** (England and Wales) | The burial authority, usually the council's bereavement services | The owner of the exclusive right of burial (or someone with their consent) applies, usually through a mason, for a memorial permit. A fee is normally charged. |
| **Church of England churchyard** | The vicar (incumbent), under the diocese's churchyard regulations | Stones within the regulations can be approved locally. Anything outside them, including a memorial bench or tree, needs a faculty (formal church permission). |
| **Scotland** | Usually the council, which runs most burial grounds | You need the right of burial (lair) and the council's permission before installation. |
| **Northern Ireland** | Usually the council, or the church for a churchyard | Local rules apply, so ask the cemetery office. |
| **Private, faith or natural burial ground** | The owner, trust or burial society | Rules vary widely. Natural burial grounds often don't allow traditional headstones. |

Common restrictions include:

- **Lawn sections**, which often allow only an upright headstone on a base, with no kerbs or chippings, so the grass can be mown.
- **Size and shape limits**, including maximum height and width.
- **Materials**: churchyards often ask for stone that suits the church and older memorials. Church of England guidance gives polished black granite as an example of what may not suit a historic churchyard.
- **Wording**: churchyard regulations typically ask for inscriptions to be "simple and reverent". Photos, QR codes and ornaments may not be allowed.
- **Extras**: vases, solar lights, fencing and toys are often limited or removed in regular tidy-ups.

**Check the rules before you order.** A mason who works locally will know them, but it's your right to see them too.

If the registered grave owner has died, the right of burial may need to be **transferred** before a new memorial or inscription can be approved. The cemetery office can explain how.

## Choosing a memorial

**Common types**

- **Upright headstone**, the most familiar style, often on a base with a vase.
- **Kerbed memorial**, which outlines the whole grave (usually not allowed in lawn sections).
- **Flat or "desk" tablet**, lying on or near the ground.
- **Book, heart or shaped designs**, often allowed within size limits.
- **Cremation plaque or small tablet**, for a plot where ashes are buried.

**Materials**

- **Granite** is very hard-wearing and comes in many colours. It holds polished and gilded lettering well.
- **Marble** looks classic but can weather and discolour over time outdoors.
- **Sandstone and limestone** blend into older churchyards and suit hand-carving, but weather more quickly.
- **Slate** is dark, smooth and good for fine lettering.
- **Wood** is sometimes used for temporary or natural-burial markers.

**Lettering** can be cut by machine or by hand, painted, gilded or raised in lead. Hand-cut lettering by a letter-carver costs more but can be very personal.

## What does a headstone cost?

A headstone is usually a **separate cost from the funeral** and can be a significant one. The price depends on:

- **size and material** (granite and hand-finished stone cost more);
- the **number of letters** and type of lettering;
- **carvings, photos or special shapes**;
- **fixing and foundations** (many cemeteries require specific fixing methods);
- the **cemetery or churchyard permit fee**, which some masons include and others add on.

Get **two or three written quotes** and ask exactly what's included, including the permit fee, fixing, VAT and any extra charge for adding future inscriptions. For wider budgeting, see [funeral costs](/uk/funeral-costs/) and [local funeral prices](/uk/funeral-prices/).

## Faith customs

- **Jewish**: customs on when to set the headstone (matzevah) vary, from shortly after the week of mourning to around the first anniversary, and many UK families hold a short consecration or **stone setting** towards the end of the first year. Families follow their community or burial society. See [Jewish funerals](/faiths/jewish/).
- **Muslim**: Islamic tradition favours **simple, modest graves**, and many families choose a small plain marker rather than an elaborate monument. Muslim sections may have their own rules. See [Muslim funerals](/faiths/muslim/).
- **Christian**: crosses, angels and Bible references (by citation, such as "John 14:2") are common. Catholic and Orthodox families sometimes add a photo plaque where rules allow.
- **Hindu and Sikh** families usually cremate, so a grave memorial is less common. Some choose a plaque at the crematorium instead.

## Choosing a memorial mason

The **National Association of Memorial Masons (NAMM)** is a long-established trade association, founded in 1907 to raise standards in the trade. Its website has a **find-a-member search** and a code of working practice. The **British Register of Accredited Memorial Masons (BRAMM)** is another accreditation scheme, and some councils run their own mason registers.

Before you commit:

- ask whether the mason is **registered to work** at your cemetery;
- get a **written quote** showing the permit fee, fixing and VAT;
- ask about **guarantees** on the fixing and the lettering;
- check **timescales**, as stone may need to be ordered in;
- never feel pressured into choosing on the day of the funeral.

## Repairs and upkeep

The Ministry of Justice guidance for England and Wales states that **ownership of memorials remains with the family**. Cemetery rules usually make the **grave owner responsible for maintaining** the memorial.

Burial authorities carry out **memorial safety inspections**. If a stone is found to be loose, they should try to contact the family so it can be repaired. Where there's an immediate risk of it falling, they may fence it off or lay it flat until it's re-fixed.

To look after a headstone:

- clean it gently with water and a soft brush (avoid bleach and wire brushes);
- ask a mason to **re-fix** a leaning stone or **re-gild** faded letters;
- check it after bad weather or nearby work;
- keep your contact details up to date with the cemetery office.

## Alternatives to a headstone

- **Memorial benches**, often through a council scheme in a park or cemetery (in a churchyard, a bench needs a faculty).
- **Memorial trees** or woodland dedications.
- **Plaques** in a crematorium garden of remembrance, or an entry in a **book of remembrance**.
- **A donation in their name.** See [donations in memory](/uk/guides/donations-in-memory/).
- **An online memorial page** for photos and messages.

## Next steps

- [Search cemeteries near you](/uk/cemeteries/) and contact the office for its memorial rules.
- Looking for a relative's grave? See [how to find a grave](/uk/guides/how-to-find-a-grave/).
- Considering a greener option? Read about [natural and woodland burial](/uk/guides/natural-woodland-burial/).
- Still deciding? Compare [cremation and burial](/uk/guides/cremation-vs-burial/).

## Frequently asked questions

### How long after a burial can a headstone be put up?

The ground needs time to settle first, so families often wait six to twelve months. Church of England guidance says it is normal practice for six months to pass between burial and the memorial being put up, and some cemeteries ask for longer. Your cemetery office or mason will confirm the local rule.

### Who has the right to put up a headstone?

In a council cemetery, it is usually the owner of the exclusive right of burial (the grave deed), or someone with their written consent. In Scotland this is often called the lair holder. In a Church of England churchyard, the vicar can approve memorials that meet the diocesan churchyard regulations.

### Do I have to use a NAMM memorial mason?

There's no law saying you must, but many cemeteries only let registered or accredited masons work on site, for example members of the National Association of Memorial Masons (NAMM), the British Register of Accredited Memorial Masons (BRAMM) or a local registration scheme. Check with the cemetery before you choose.

### Who is responsible if a headstone becomes unsafe?

Memorials belong to the family, and the grave owner is usually responsible for repairs. Burial authorities inspect memorials for safety and should try to contact the family first. If a stone is at risk of falling, they may fence it off or lay it flat until it is repaired.

### Can we add a second name to an existing headstone?

Yes. A mason can add an inscription, usually by removing the stone or working on site. You'll need permission from the cemetery or churchyard, and the consent of the grave owner if that's someone else.

### Can I put a headstone on a grave in a natural burial ground?

Usually not a traditional one. Many natural burial grounds allow only a tree, a wooden marker or a small flat plaque, or record the grave by map. Check the ground's rules before you buy the plot.

## Sources

- [Church of England – Guidance note: Memorials in churchyards (Church Buildings Council)](https://www.churchofengland.org/sites/default/files/2018-11/CCB_Memorials-in-churchyards_Sep-2016.pdf)
- [legislation.gov.uk – Local Authorities' Cemeteries Order 1977, article 10](https://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/1977/204/article/10)
- [Ministry of Justice – Managing the safety of burial ground memorials](https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/burial-grounds-guidance-on-managing-unstable-gravestones)
- [Bury Council – Cemetery regulations (example of local rules)](https://www.bury.gov.uk/births-deaths-and-ceremonies/deaths/cemeteries-and-crematorium/cemetery-regulations)
- [Highland Council – Apply to install a headstone](https://www.highland.gov.uk/burials-cremations/headstones/3)
- [National Association of Memorial Masons (NAMM)](https://www.namm.org.uk/)
- [Chabad.org – Setting up the tombstone](https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/371238/jewish/Setting-up-the-Tombstone.htm)