Gypsy and Traveller funerals

Gypsy and Traveller funerals are often large, deeply felt occasions, where family, faith and respect for the dead come together. This guide describes customs that many families share, and how to plan a funeral in the UK that honours them. “Gypsies and Travellers” covers several distinct groups, and customs differ between communities, regions and families, and have changed over time. Always be led by the family.

Key points

• Romany Gypsies, Irish Travellers and Scottish Gypsy/Travellers are distinct groups with their own customs.
• Relatives often travel long distances to be with someone who is dying, and large gatherings are a sign of respect.
• Both Romany Gypsies and Irish Travellers usually hold a wake the night before the funeral.
• Burial near family is strongly preferred.
• Floral tributes are often large and symbolic.
• The grave is the focus of grief. Headstones, kerbs and photographs matter deeply.
• Burning a person’s possessions is a traditional custom that varies widely today.

What makes these funerals distinctive

Friends, Families and Travellers (FFT), a national charity, stresses that Irish Travellers and Romany Gypsies are separate ethnic groups with their own beliefs, languages and customs, although they share some traditions around death. Romany Gypsies and Irish Travellers are recognised ethnic groups in English law.

Families are close-knit, often with several generations living near one another, and grief is openly expressed. The Salisbury diocese’s chaplain to Gypsies and Travellers explains that, for a traditionally nomadic community, the grave is the person’s final and only permanent resting place, which is why it matters so much.

Faith is central for many families. Irish Travellers are usually Catholic, and many Romany Gypsy families have a strong Christian faith. See our Catholic funerals guide and Christian funerals guide.

At the end of life

When someone is seriously ill, many relatives come to be with them, and they are never left alone. Irish Travellers will often ask a priest to give the last rites, and may keep candles lit near the bed until after the funeral. In hospitals and hospices, it helps to ask early for a side room or family room, and to agree one or two family contacts for staff.

The wake

FFT describes a wake the night before the funeral in both communities:

• Romany Gypsies will generally bring the person home the night before the funeral.
• Irish Travellers usually keep the person at the funeral home the night before, with an open coffin, holy pictures and rosary beads. There may be a Mass that evening.

There is a constant flow of visitors to pay their respects, with food and drink. Families often place items in the coffin, such as money, holy bracelets, small crosses, a wedding ring and family photographs.

The funeral

For Irish Travellers, the funeral is usually a Catholic Mass, where the person’s life story is told and Irish songs may be played. Many families then take the hearse past places that meant something to the person, such as their home, stables or favourite pub, which FFT says can take up to three hours. At the cemetery, the priest blesses the grave and leads prayers. Romany Gypsy families may also stop at meaningful places on the way to the burial. Some families choose a horse-drawn hearse.

Floral tributes

Flowers are one of the most visible parts of a Traveller funeral. FFT describes tributes such as:

Order early from a florist who knows the tradition. Ask the cemetery how long tributes can stay on the grave. Rugby, for example, clears them after 14 days.

Dress and mourning

Mourners wear black. FFT notes that close family usually wear black for a year after the death, and some traditional Travellers wear black for the rest of their lives after losing someone very close.

The grave and headstone

• Burial: for Romany Gypsies, burial is the only option, partly because of a traditional belief that body and spirit don’t separate at once.
• Near family: families want to be buried near relatives, often where the family has buried its dead for generations, and married couples side by side.
• Tending the grave: graves are visited often, sometimes daily, and kept immaculately, sometimes with a bench, photographs, lights and objects the person loved.
• Headstones and kerbs: a large headstone shows love and respect, and kerbs protect the grave so no one walks over it.

Check the rules before you choose a grave. Many cemeteries limit memorials. Rugby’s regulations, for example, don’t allow unauthorised kerbs, glass, naked flames, lanterns or solar lights, and items must stay within the headstone border. BCP Council allows only a single approved memorial on lawn sections. Ask whether there is a traditional section that permits kerbs and larger headstones.

Possessions: a changing custom

FFT explains that, traditionally, clothes, bedding and the vehicle or trailer the person died in were burnt, as a sign of respect and to help the spirit move on. Today, practice varies a great deal. Some families burn a few items, some give things away and many don’t do it at all. Never assume what a family will want.

Costs

The biggest costs are usually floral tributes, a headstone and kerbs, a horse-drawn hearse or extra cars, the wake, and a grave near relatives, which may be far away. Families often share costs. If you are eligible for a Funeral Expenses Payment, it can help with moving the body more than 50 miles within the UK. See help paying for a funeral.

Practical tips for arranging the funeral

• Choose a funeral director who knows Gypsy and Traveller families, and can help with home wakes, processions and burials far from home.
• Tell the cemetery about numbers. Some councils, such as Bexley, ask for notice of large funerals.
• Talk things through in person. Ask for rules to be explained face to face, as well as in writing.
• Get agreements about memorials confirmed before the burial.
• If you’re treated unfairly by a venue or service because you’re a Gypsy or Traveller, FFT can advise.

Next steps

• Find funeral directors near you and cemeteries.
• Read funeral flowers and Irish funerals and wakes.
• For Irish Travellers buried at home, see repatriation to Ireland.