How to write a eulogy

A eulogy doesn’t need to be polished or clever. It needs to sound like you and feel like them. This guide walks you through the process, gives you a template you can fill in, and explains the rules and customs for different faiths and ceremonies.

Key points

• Aim for three to five minutes (about 400 to 700 words) unless you’re told otherwise.
• Specific stories are more moving than lists of achievements.
• Use a simple structure: introduction, life outline, two or three themes, farewell.
• Print it in large type and give a spare copy to the celebrant.
• Some faiths have their own customs. At a Catholic Mass, for example, the homily is never a eulogy, but short words of remembrance are allowed.
• Stuck? Try our free eulogy writer to turn your notes into a first draft.

Eulogy, tribute, homily: what’s the difference?

• Eulogy or tribute: a personal speech about the person’s life and character, usually given by family or friends. In the UK the two words mean much the same thing.
• Homily or sermon: a religious address given by the minister, reflecting on faith and the readings.
• Obituary: a written life summary for a newspaper or website.
• Life story: at humanist and many civil funerals, the celebrant often weaves the family’s memories into a central tribute.

Step 1: check the practical details

Before you write a word, find out:

• How long you have. Crematorium services run to fixed time slots, so there may be less time than you expect.
• Who else is speaking, so that you don’t all tell the same story.
• Whether there are any rules. Some churches and faith communities limit personal tributes (see the faith section below).
• Where you’ll stand and whether there’s a microphone.

Step 2: gather memories

Talk to people who knew the person in different parts of their life. Useful prompts:

• What would they say when they walked into a room?
• What were they quietly proud of?
• What did they do that drove everyone mad, in a loveable way?
• Which song, place, meal or smell brings them straight to mind?
• What did they teach you, on purpose or by accident?

Write everything down, then circle the stories that make you smile or catch your breath. Those are the ones to use.

Step 3: choose a structure

A fill-in eulogy template

Copy this, replace the brackets and then rewrite it in your own voice.

Good morning. I’m [name], [relationship], and I’d like to say a few words about [name].

[Name] was born in [place] in [year], the [eldest/youngest/only] child of [parents]. [One or two sentences about their early life.] They [worked as / spent their life / were happiest when] […].

If I had to sum [name] up in a word, it would be [quality]. [A specific story that shows it.]

[He/She/They] was also [second quality]. [Story.]

And anyone who knew [name] will know about [habit, hobby or saying]. [Short, affectionate example.]

Most of all, [name] was [what they were to the family, e.g. “the person we rang first with good news”]. [What you’ll miss most.]

[Name], thank you for […]. We’ll [promise or closing thought]. Goodbye, and [final words].

Three example openings

These are original examples to show different tones. Use them for inspiration, not word for word.

Warm and traditional (a grandmother): “Nan measured love in portions. If you visited her, you left with a foil parcel, a bag of apples from the garden and strict instructions to ring when you got home. My name is Chloe, I’m the eldest of her nine grandchildren, and I’m going to try to tell you who she was without crying on the first page.”

Gentle humour (a father): “Dad was the only man in Stockport who read the instruction manual after he’d finished building the wardrobe, just to see where they’d gone wrong. I’m Tom, his son, and I’ve been asked to say a few words. He’d want me to keep it short. He’d also want me to mention the wardrobe.”

Sudden loss (a young friend): “There is no speech long enough for a life this short, so I won’t try to write one. I’m Priya. Sam and I met on our first day of university, when he knocked on my door to borrow a tin opener and stayed for eleven years. Today I just want to tell you three things about him.”

Using humour

Humour can be a gift at a funeral if it’s true to the person. Keep it affectionate, make sure most of the room will understand it, and balance it with a moment of honesty about the loss. If you’re unsure about a story, read it to someone in the family first.

If the relationship was complicated

You don’t have to pretend. Focus on the things you can say honestly: a skill they had, a time they got it right, or what they meant to others in the room. Short and sincere is better than long and forced.

Delivery tips

• Read it aloud at least three times beforehand, ideally to someone else.
• Slow down. Nerves make everyone speak fast. Mark pauses on your script.
• Use a large font (at least 16 point), double-spaced, with page numbers.
• Look up at the end of each paragraph, even briefly.
• Have water nearby and a tissue in your pocket.
• Agree a back-up plan. Give a copy to the celebrant or a friend who can take over if you signal.
• It’s fine to cry. People expect it and nobody will mind.

Faith and ceremony considerations

For more, see our faith guides.

If you can’t face speaking

That’s completely understandable. You could:

• ask the celebrant or minister to read your words for you;
• print a short tribute in the order of service;
• share memories at the wake instead, where it’s less formal;
• record your tribute in advance, if the venue can play it.

Next steps

• Draft your tribute with our free eulogy writer tool.
• Choose funeral music, hymns and readings.
• Put everything together in an order of service.
• Find a celebrant or minister through a local funeral director.